Bridesmaids are like the second most important thing to a bride…. first is the dress of course. One thing that I’ve learned through this journey of wedding planning is to think things through. I made the mistake of adding girls to my wedding party because one: I have a major case of OCD and the thought of an uneven number caused instant anxiety, two: I didn’t understand the importance of what it meant to be a bridesmaid (not someone who just wants to do all the fun stuff, but also the really tedious and boring stuff like paying for and planning a bridal shower), & three: I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. The last one was really important to me, when I told my childhood friend that another friend was going to be my maid of honor it hurt to see the hurt in her eyes, even though she smiled through it. Another friend begged and made so many side comments that I felt bad she wasn’t in the wedding and I added her without even consulting my fiancé. It wasn’t until recently when I remembered who’s wedding it was. Mine. And I don’t mean that in a selfish way, but if you don’t feel comfortable with having certain people in your wedding, don’t do it. It’s hard, trust me I know. I originally started out with five, I now have three, and there were tears involved; LOTS of tears, but now I’m confident that the three women standing next to me at a major milestone in my life understand me and Derrick and how important this day is. Because yes, it is a day of happiness and celebration, but it goes way past this day. This is forever, this is a commitment, this is my life, our life. And just because they’re not IN the wedding doesn’t mean they won’t be there, remember: theres a whole guest list you have! Your bridesmaids are your confidants, your support team, and yes they are supposed to cater just a little bit. So if this day isn’t important to them almost as it is important to you, nix them. And if they still don’t understand and get mad, then they aren’t your friend. When we first got engaged, other married couples told us we would see who is truly there for us during this time. The stories they told me were unbelievable and I thought there was no way that would be my friends and myself. But here I am writing this, it can and most likely will happen that you will lose at least one friend. Thats what happens when major life changes occur, it sucks big time. I’ve been on the other side and honestly I was a terrible maid of honor, it haunts me to this day, even more so now because I’m a bride and I think ‘omg I was so selfish!’. Words of advice to anyone who’s a bridesmaid out there: understand what the bride has asked you to do, she has picked you for a real reason, not because she thinks you’ll look good standing next to her, and not because you have 20 years of friendship under your belt (well maybe a little). She needs you to be there, if you can’t then be a friend, do her a favor and say no. She may be sad at first but you’ll save her a lot of stress you don’t know about.
What are your experiences as a bride with her bridesmaids, or as a bridesmaid? Have you been booted or done the booting?
Peace. Love & Wine